


Ray-Ray The Fairy Godmother

by mrecookies



Series: The Tale Of The Most Pissy Marine And The Stubborn LT As Told By Ray-Ray [2]
Category: Generation Kill
Genre: Crack, Explicit Language, Friendship, Gen, Humor, M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-18
Updated: 2012-04-18
Packaged: 2017-11-03 21:21:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/386097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrecookies/pseuds/mrecookies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray sighs, because he's pretty goddamned exhausted from driving and doing this high school passing-notes-in-hall bullshit between the LT and Brad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ray-Ray The Fairy Godmother

**Author's Note:**

> I really love Ray.
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** Based on the fictionalized characters as played by PJ Ransone, Alexander Skarsgard, and Stark Sands in the HBO miniseries, not the real people.

See, this is why Ray likes the LT. He fucking listens, and even though he wants to laugh, he doesn't show it too obviously (those green eyes reveal everything though, Jesus). Ray tries very hard to keep his monologue short; he can feel Brad fucking staring into his neck, like a fucking Hajji sniper rifle or something. Fuck Brad and his insanely jealous prick. If he wants the LT, he should just tell the LT. Everyone fucking knows the LT wants Brad too, goddamn.

"Thank you, Ray, for your, uh, recommendation." The LT swallows a grin. Ray doesn't, baring his dip-stained teeth that desperately need some damned Invisalign braces - Christ, when he gets home… "I will take it under advisement." He turns and leaves for his Humvee, nodding to Brad and Poke and Kocher, completely fucking oblivious to the way Brad is staring at his ass.

Fucking Brad. Ray spits and barely misses the wheel of his own shitass trashcar. Mission accomplished.

Ray doesn't need to turn around to know that Brad is behind him. The Iceman is out and he's fucking looming over Ray like, the Hulk or something. Except less green and bulky and definitely no Barney gay-ass ripped pants. (Seriously, homes, how homoerotic is the Hulk? Small little shrunken dude bursts into a huge vein-popping throbbing monster? Although if your dick's green you should probably seek some fucking help, because no good trim is going to ride it. Take it from your Uncle Ray-Ray.)

"Person, what were you jabbering on about with our esteemed LT?"

"Oh, the one you obviously want to-"

" _Ray_."

Ray sighs, because he's pretty goddamned exhausted from driving and doing this high school passing-notes-in-hall bullshit between the LT and Brad. "Fine, Iceman, we were just talking about the merits and demerits of war. I was telling the LT that the Greeks and the Romans and the whoever from a long fucking time ago had it right all along, because war ain't about shit like power or oil. War is about pussy, or ass, if you're into it - and you are, but it's a specific kind of ass, one that belongs to the grassy-eyed former altar boy that is our _esteemed LT_ , as you call him, but no need to tell me all the dirty names you call him in your head, thank you very much - and if the commanding dicksucks of history would just learn from past mistakes, we would all be able to sit at home and watch NASCAR and jack off to good old-fashioned Americana porn."

Brad fucking purses his lip and walks away from Ray and his ranger grave. And Ray knows, just knows that he'll be riding around with a fuckton of pissy horny Iceman for the rest of goddamn Iraq. (He should really look into getting Brad a plaque or something with 'Most Pissy Marine' on it. Maybe it should come with a carving of Ray and his two upward-pointing middle fingers.) All because Brad and the LT can't see that they're meant to fuck each other so that Ray can get some sleep. Or country music. Or Ripped Fuel. Or coffee. What the fuck _ever_.

They told Ray that he was supposed to become an RTO (best in the business, thank you the fuck much). And then they sprung it on him that he was supposed to be a driver _and_ an RTO (which, fine, he's doing pretty goddamned well). No one fucking told him that he'd also be a pussy _matchmaker_ between two stubborn Marines who can both shoot and kill and destroy shitty dicksuck Hajjis but can't see that their own dicks need some attention with each other.

Ray should ask for a pay raise. Or, you know, a new copy of Juggs. Right now, he isn't too fussed.


End file.
